Photo by Thanh Tam on Unsplash
Caging the Open Heart
Our hearts are caged in bones. When we are sad, the concave shape that our shoulders and chest create forms a heavy layer that hinders our health and well-being. Inflammation from stress throws the body’s immune system off balance, and shallow or incomplete breathing can turn into a permanent irregular pattern. This is all because our body tends to find comfort in habits, whether a habit starts out as comfortable or not.
Grief isn’t only felt when a loved one passes on or when we leave certain places. Grief’s presence is also felt when the opportunity for physical bonding is temporarily taken away. Physical bonding ranges from childhood friends playing with each other to college students reuniting with their parents. When we’re lonely or depressed from grief, we tend to also detach from, and therefore fail to physically bond with, ourselves. Our bodies quickly become lethargic. We lose movement. We forget how to be energetic.
Quality time with oneself while grieving is the most invaluable gift because it offers strength, respect, and safety. Quality time resets a life.
A Daily Routine
A daily routine that helps me rise through grief includes these steps:
- Hydrate. The first thing I do when I’m aware that I’m settling in for a bluesy day is set aside a glass of water. Drinking water helps nutrients and toxins move to where they belong. As a result, I become more clearly focused, which helps boost my mood.
- Collect energy with potassium and protein. With my water, I have either a banana or handful of dried apricots. The potassium continues to bring oxygen and clarity to the mind. Along with the potassium, I eat about a dozen almonds. Almonds have protein, which provides strength for our heart and immune system.
- Allow physical support to meet my body. Sometimes grief’s hand doesn’t let go so easily, and it may take a few minutes or hours to get moving. Here’s where lying still is a great first step. After positioning myself on my back on the floor (or the bed, if it’s easier), I place a rolled-up blanket or yoga bolster the long way underneath my spine for support. Additionally, I like to have a pillow under my neck. Next, I bend my knees up so the soles of my feet are touching the floor. Meanwhile, the back of my hands and forearms come in contact with the carpet.
Allowing my arms to relax at my sides like resting wings opens the shoulders. Then, as I drop toward each side of the bolster, my chest, heart, and breath all open. I feel light again. I stay here for about 5–10 minutes. Usually, I have an extra layer of clothing on to keep my heart warm. This is because shivering will push the shoulders, chest, and breath back into a stressed state.
- Channel gentle movement. After lifting my “cage,” I find my way onto my hands and knees. I stay with a light breath as I inhale and lift my gaze forward. On my exhale, I round my spine as my gaze travels to my navel. I tend to do this very slowly for a few minutes. The slower I go, the more awake and present I feel in my body, and I want to keep moving.
- Cheer my chin up. From hands and knees, I come onto just my knees, using a blanket or sweatshirt for padding. I place my hands along invisible back pockets, tighten my thighs and abdomen, and lift my gaze up slightly. I stay looking up a bit for about 5 breaths (note: not 5 minutes!), then lower my gaze and release my body. This, as with the previous two steps, also opens the shoulders and heart.
- Salute snake arms. From my knees, I raise my arms and start creating “S’s” with them. Moving the shoulders up and around gives the body permission to move past the bluesy phase. Sometimes I stay here and other times I make my way to standing, where I grab a belly dance veil and slow-dance with myself through the “S’s.”
- Partner with Gratitude. Whether I start my routine with water and end with belly dancing or whether I just repeat some heart-opening exercises, I end my day with a short letter to Gratitude. I describe three things I’m grateful for in a journal. Seeing gratitude as a friend, a being, shows our heart that the universe is working with us — we are not alone. The more gratitude we show to ourselves and extend outward, the less fear we’ll have along with our grief and loss.
One Step is a Rise
It definitely takes repetition and effort to keep rising. Like with exercising, we can’t just try to feel better one time and hope the world follows. But just attempting to do one step from this routine a day, whether it’s the same thing or not, can show the mind a healthier perspective toward rising.
What one thing from this routine do you think you’d try? And remember, don’t be hard on yourself. If nothing sounds interesting, maybe you’ll be intrigued enough to write out a list of other creative heart-openers to help you rise through grief.
