Photo by Cynthia Magana on Unsplash
Two weeks ago, I talked about creating boundaries with our relationships. Since then, I have participated in a wellness check with some of my friends. We talked about different things that we all deal with, ways that our friends have helped us in the past, and things we wish our friends knew (not talking to anyone in particular, just talking in general). After that conversation, I thought it would be interesting to revisit my topic from two weeks ago, focusing more on a subject that many of my friends brought up during our conversation: how to handle your relationships while dealing with your mental health.
When having a depressive episode, some of my friends suggested focusing heavily on your friendships. Think about the people that you know care for you and force yourself to spend time with them. Go see a movie. Sing karaoke. Have a dance party. While it may feel difficult at first, getting yourself out of the house and doing some of the more fun things that you like can remind you that you’re a human that knows how to get down.
Although some of my friends recommended throwing themselves in their friendships, the other half of the room recommended reminding yourself that it’s okay to need a break from relationships. You are your own person. You were not born to please others. You were born to focus on yourself. If you think that you will literally pull out your hair if you have to spend one minute with chatty Sally, then don’t do it. Kindly let her know that you simply aren’t in a [talkative] mood.
Even when on the other side of the table, as a friend, you shouldn’t feel obligated to do anything. If your friend wants to do something but it would require you to compromise your own mental health, don’t do it. You are not their counselor. There are other people who will literally get paid to listen to them. There have been plenty of times where I’ve had to tell my friends, I’m sorry, my mind just isn’t up for this today. If I think that it’s something I can participate in later, then I will schedule something. But if its something I will never do or at least not soon, then I still let them know. And as friends, they should accept that ‘no’ and not pressure you in any way.
Finally, I know I’ve said some contradicting information (spend time with friends, tell them to take a hike), the point I want everyone to take away is, to be honest with your friends. Don’t feel like you are obligated to spend time with them, but if that is what you think will best benefit you then go for it! Focus on you and your mental health, and nobody else’s.
