Photo by Dee @ Copper and Wild on Unsplash
Attending school almost every day for the first 18 years of our lives, each of us has experienced bullying in one form or another. Walking in the front door of elementary school can feel like entering a war zone for some. Whether physical or verbal, all forms of bullying are painful.
It’s easy to believe we’ll escape bullying altogether once we leave school. Unfortunately, bullying doesn’t stop after our school years. Adults continue to face harsh words and intimidation from coworkers, acquaintances, and even family members. That’s why it’s important to learn how to handle an adult bully.
Campaigns to end bullying are now commonplace. But the best way we can cope with less-than-friendly individuals in our lives is by preparing and learning how to respond in these negative situations. Here are five impactful ways to handle interactions with adult bullies.
Make Eye Contact
Cyberbullying has increased dramatically with the rise of internet use. This is because it’s easier to act harshly toward others when you don’t have to face them in person. By looking someone in the eyes, you can confront them with the harshness of what they’re trying to do. You can lower the chances that they’ll follow through with their harsh words. The next time you feel someone trying to intimidate you, try making continuous eye contact with them. It might feel awkward, but it will be worth de-escalating the situation.
Disengage
You can also try leaving the situation or avoiding the bully entirely. As an adult, this can be difficult if they’re a coworker or other person you interact with on a regular basis. But you can try your best to avoid meeting this person in the break room at work. Or try only talk to them when there are other colleagues around. If you can’t always avoid running into them, make a plan of escape. This can involve saying you forgot about an important call you need to make. Have a list of these excuses ready for when you need to get out of a situation with the bully.
Respond with Kindness, Humor, or Apathy
If you have no way of avoiding interactions with the bully, try responding with a different tone. Reacting with kindness is a common tactic for encouraging others to treat you better. You can also try making a joke. This can throw off the individual and show them you aren’t intimidated or affected by what they’re saying. Last, if you struggle to react with kindness or humor, try showing as little emotion as possible. Bullies feel empowered by the response of their victims. But if you’re apathetic and show little response, the bully loses their reason for trying to hurt you in the first place.
Keep a Record
Keeping a record of interactions with the bully is essential for professional situations, such as in the workplace. You may need to remember events exactly as they happened if you decide to report the incidents to your company’s human resources department. While you don’t have to record every word of a conversation, do your best to write down key sentences the bully said to you that caused harm. Make sure to record how you responded as well so you can show your efforts to de-escalate the situation.
Empathy
Finally, use empathy to help yourself feel less hurt or affected by what the bully says to you. Remember that oftentimes people choose to hurt others because they experienced bullying or other traumatic events in their past. This doesn’t justify their actions toward you, but empathizing with them can help you feel less intimidated. You can have a clearer mind and be able to better handle the situation.
All of these strategies can be applied to different types of bullying, from shallow comments to aggressive manipulation. Be confident in your ability to choose the tactics that best fit the type of bullying you’re facing. Always ask for help from a trusted friend if you feel you can’t handle the situation on your own. And remember you aren’t the only one facing bullying as an adult—we’ve all been through it and the right friend will help you find a solution.
