An empowering women believing in her capability.
Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash
Paralyzing anxiety is something I have been struggling with since high school. As someone who frequently experiences these episodes of paralysis, I would best define them as heightened degrees of anxiety that limit one’s ability to move and interact with his or her environment. If he or she can interact with the environment, it is a million times harder to do so. So if you’re struggling like this, just know that you also can cope with paralyzing anxiety.
Experiencing paralyzing anxiety
I have generalized anxiety disorder, so social situations of any kind always bring about severe anxiety for me. The state of paralysis that I often encounter usually comes about suddenly. I can be managing my anxiety one moment, but the next I struggle to move at all. It is an invisible battle, which makes it all the more terrifying. I want to scream and cry out for help when it happens, but most people are not aware of this degree of anxiety. It is extremely exhausting and restricting. Forcing myself to move my body when it feels like I can lose the little control I have left during these attacks is petrifying. It makes it so difficult to be in social settings, and I hate being restricted in this way.
Understanding your limits
I remember sitting in my math classroom during my senior year of high school, and I would not be able to move my head to look at the board to take notes. I also struggled with eye contact since lifting my head often proved impossible. Even when AP and standardized testing came around, I dealt with the same struggle, especially since there were so many people and I was sitting at a tiny desk in the middle of the room with no escape. As a result, I was not able to be the best student I know I could have been. I was capable, but at the same time I was incapable, because my anxiety was and still is very limiting.
Knowing that you are enough
Ultimately, anxiety paralysis is a very frightening and real experience for those who struggle with it. Any time I am in a social setting that lasts longer than a few minutes, I struggle to move and immediately feel the need to escape. I try my best, I really do, but sometimes my best is not good enough for others. I wish this was not the case, but I can only do so much as a person living with severe anxiety. My best might not be good enough for others, but it is enough for me. If they were fighting my battle, they would understand.
Taking pride in yourself
I do wish others would be more understanding towards those living with anxiety. Showing up to an event is half the battle, but staying at an event is even harder. Every moment I am in a social setting, I am honestly fighting for my life. I cannot speak for you, but if you do struggle with anxiety, I believe it is safe to say that you can relate. Something that is so easy for someone else to do requires so much effort for us. I wish others had the ability to see through the invisibility of our illness, just so they can get a glimpse of what it means to live with severe anxiety each day of our lives. It is an immense battle, and it takes a true warrior to fight it. I am proud of you for how far you have come in the war.
Inspiring others
For anyone currently struggling with anxiety or any mental health disorder, you are the bravest and strongest person I know. Every day is a battle when trying to cope with paralyzing anxiety. I know how tempting it can be to give up the fight, but I am so glad you are still here. Keep holding on, for you are a capable warrior who is an inspiration to many people.
