“Why can’t I be normal?” This is a question that I find myself asking a lot lately.
My Struggle With Anxiety
One mental health diagnosis that I have is generalized anxiety disorder. My anxiety often takes a toll on my day-to-day productivity. Each day that I have class or an extracurricular event, my fear of not being good enough overwhelms me. I was raised in a way that taught me that no matter how much I try, my good is still not good enough. As a result, I struggle with seeing my value and competence. Tasks that take others an hour to complete typically take me twice as long. My fear of failure is immense, but I know that one day I will overcome it. For now, all I can do is conquer it one day at a time. As long I’m taking steps forward, even if they are baby steps, I am making progress towards recovery. This is what truly matters!
How Anxiety Affects My Worth
Living with any form of anxiety is a constant struggle. Connecting with others has never been a strength of mine. Whenever I find myself in a social conversation, I’m either struggling to find the right words, forgetting what I want to say entirely, or acting weird because I cannot handle conversations that are longer than a minute. As a result, I often feel lonely and misunderstood. Life becomes a lot harder when battling any mental illness, especially as it pertains to having healthy relationships. Anxiety can often provoke negative thoughts, leading to one doubting their worth. I know how easy it is to fall into this trap, but no matter what my mind tells me, it cannot take away my worth. This is what I tend to remind myself of whenever I am struggling, especially at the moments I feel as if I cannot carry on any further.
How I Am Managing My Anxiety
There are still times where I wish for normalcy. Not having to deal with anxiety would be a dream come true. However, I am learning to accept that this is a part of who I am. It may not be a pleasant part, but it is something that makes me unique. Embracing it is the key to my recovery. We all experience our mental health struggles in different ways. We might not be normal, but that is okay. Being different is what makes us great. Our uniqueness contributes to the world in a positive way, even when we struggle to see it. Our presence itself is a gift to this world. You matter! Treasure your uniqueness, for it makes the world a better place! Remember to be you, always!