Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash
Whether you’re scrolling on social media or perusing the aisles of your favorite grocery store, the encouragement to eat healthier is everywhere.
The global wellness economy is a 4 trillion+ industry, with the healthy eating, nutrition, and weight loss sector accounting for over $702 billion dollars. Trends like paleo, keto, or low-sugar or low-fat diets are maintaining their existence in mainstream consumption. Simply put, healthy eating trends and products are on the rise. But at what cost? While there are many positives to encouraging folks to live a healthier life, an obsession with these dietary changes can really take a toll on someone’s life.
Orthorexia, or Orthorexia Nervosa, is an eating disorder categorized as an obsession with eating healthy food- with an emphasis on food quality, purity, and/or cleanliness. Those who suffer from this disorder are typically informed that certain foods will amplify their other underlying health issues.
There is a teetering fine line between individuals who modify their diet for health benefits, and those with orthorexia who take it to an extreme case, causing fear and paranoia while fixating around the foods that they eat.
According to Healthline, “Enthusiasm for healthy eating only transforms into orthorexia when it turns into an obsession that negatively affects everyday life, such as extreme weight loss or a refusal to eat out with friends.”
Healthline also reports, “American physician, Steve Bratman, first coined the term “orthorexia” in 1997. The term comes from ‘orthos,’ which is Greek for ‘right’.”
The disorder can be challenging to diagnose since there are a variety of ways it manifests. I highly suggest you check out the Healthline article I’ve linked for a holistic view of what we know so far.
More importantly, we must destigmatize and remove shame from the experience of living with an eating disorder. It encourages people to share their stories and seek the appropriate treatment, depending on their specific struggles.
My Struggle With Orthorexia
I first was diagnosed with an eating disorder at the age of twelve, and I continue to live through the dynamic experience in my late twenties. In the early stages, I focused on restriction and punishment, but as I grew older, I transformed my problems into something much more insidious and controlling. I developed orthorexia, an eating disorder that was easy to hide in my personal health journey.
In college, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto’s, a thyroid and autoimmune disease that also can wreak havoc on other parts of your body. I was also seeing a naturopathic practitioner at the time to manage symptoms of inflammation and possible food sensitivities. At the time she encouraged me to adopt a diet that was primarily plant-based, dairy, and gluten-free. She also recommended that I check out the Whole 30 diet plan to help with the inflammation that was raging through my body. I am a huge advocate for food as medicine, but this blanketed approach to food became my greatest interest in life and my greatest downfall.
The diagnosis and health plan DEVASTATED me! I remember coming home the day I was told to modify my diet, and I literally sobbed to my partner how I could never eat pizza again. His advice at the time, “Why don’t you make your own?” This was very valid advice, but not what I wanted to hear.
So I did a ton of research around Whole 30 which also led to extensive research into the world of Paleo and “clean” eating. Over and over and over again I saw online bloggers and influencers and even practitioners, villainize food. Sugar will kill you. Gluten will inflame you. Dairy will ruin your skin. Although there is science behind the effects of these foods, these harsh accusations felt like self-imposed death sentences. If I ate those foods, I too would die. Right? Or at the very least I assumed it would make my autoimmune disease flare-up. This frightened me into a healthier lifestyle. Or so I thought at the time.
Here began my quest for pure eating. My attempt to cope with my underlying health issues turned into its own problem. As a result of this impending lifestyle shift, I became an avid label reader. Grocery shopping would take twice as long because I had to read EVERY label. No gluten? Check. No dairy? Ok today, check. No Sugar? Check, check, check! I had to make sure that every food that I put into my body was clean.
Sugar Became the Enemy
I really didn’t allow myself to eat any non-natural or unrefined sugar unless there was less than a gram of sugar per serving. Of all the compulsions and habits I developed during my dance with orthorexia, my relationship with sugar was the most damaging of them all. Overall, I loosened up about some of the other foods, but sugar was always public enemy number one in my eyes.
Other than the fear of how certain foods would affect my body, I became obsessed with talking about my food restrictions. I wanted everyone to know how restrictive my diet was. They gave me praise and sympathy, which just fueled the disorder that much longer. I did genuinely become educated in food medicine and alternative eating styles. Instead of boasting balance, however, I became my own punisher if I went off my diet.
My struggle with orthorexia was exhausting and damaging. I would punish myself if I didn’t eat clean foods. I felt shame around needing to modify my diet but was far removed from maintaining a sustainable lifestyle. Eating out was exhausting and became an intense source of anxiety. I reached my breaking point, which was my saving grace. The struggle to maintain this way of life became so unbearable, I needed help.
Coming to Terms With Orthorexia: Finding Balance and Support
My mother is a dietitian and was a major advocate for me scaling back on my intense and rigid diet. I spoke to her about my fixation with clean eating. She suggested that I start by making small sustainable changes instead of focusing on trying to live this unrealistic clean life 100% of the time. I found a balance between eliminating or minimizing foods and eating a diet that felt aligned with my needs.
I also spoke with my naturopathic practitioner about adjusting my treatment plan to not feel like an “all or nothing” approach when it came to the foods I ate. She was incredibly supportive and didn’t want me to fixate or spiral over something that could be adjusted over a longer period of time. I learned the best method for me to maintain a healthier lifestyle, with the advice and guidance of medical professionals, was through balance and patience.
Managing it Today
I am still working through the very delicate and somewhat nuanced conditions of orthorexia. But I know sharing my story and speaking with others about my struggle is one of the best ways that I can shed light and awareness on this disorder. I go to therapy every week. I know that I have a safe space there to discuss any compulsions or anxiety around food if needed. There are foods that I have to avoid due to my health conditions. But I do not take such a harsh and blanketed approach when managing my symptoms. I journal, write mantras for self-love, and meditate to keep myself grounded. I find ways to prioritize self-love. Oh, and I let myself eat cake from time to time.
In the kitchen, I also found my liberation from orthorexia. I have a great passion for cooking and creating new recipes. I find ways to feel creative in the kitchen that don’t feel restrictive. This empowers me to eat what I want and not feel guilty about it. There are still days where I hesitate to eat sugar, but I work through mindfulness approaches to help me maintain a sense of calm.
If You Suffer From An Eating Disorder, You Are Not Alone
Whether you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, there are resources to connect you to the right help. No one should ever feel alone in their hardships. Eating disorders can be some of the hardest and most shameful illnesses to work through. The National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) has lists of resources to help you on the path towards healing.
I am here to show you healing is possible. It is not always a linear or clear path, but it is possible. Believe in, and love yourself. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. You are seen and you are worthy of healing. We all are.
