Photo by Matt Popovich on Unsplash
In the past six months, I have listened to more news, science, opinions, and press conferences than ever before. In this age of instant information, it is a blessing to stay aware of coronavirus updates and associated public health advisories, but the onslaught of facts can be overwhelming if I’m not in the right headspace to receive the information.
I think many people have found themselves on this precipice recently. We want to tune in; we want to protect our loved ones and remain healthy and safe. On the flip side of that coin, there is palpable fatigue that comes with focusing too much on how to actively avoid a virus that can kill you or may already have killed someone you know. Constant worry and fear can be emotionally and physically draining, and can really push one over that (metaphorical) edge.
Winter Is Coming
So far, outdoor options have made this all seem bearable. My daily walks and gardening have been my saving graces. With the cooler weather, however, things will quickly move indoors in the Midwest and leave fewer opportunities to get out. The unassuming evil that is daylight saving time also comes every fall and looms larger this year. Daylight saving time messes with my mind and makes me hyperaware of the shorter days. The U.S. inaugurated the first daylight saving day in 1918, as an attempt to conserve energy and daylight.
Every time we “fall back,” my mind seems to go a little bit haywire. External forces march on around me unwaveringly, while I try to cling to the warmth and the end of the summer. It is as though a little bit of my depression, anxiety, and worries get actualized into a crisp autumn breeze. In the past, I could attribute all of these feelings to school starting again and not wanting to leave home. But being an adult means you can’t blame your depression on school, so you focus on the next best thing—the weather.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD)
Seasonal affective disorder, appropriately shortened to SAD, affects thousands of people yearly. People often experience SAD in places with fewer hours of daylight, as the lack of warmth or sunlight often leads to feelings of hopelessness or discomfort.
Keeping abreast of this troublesome year has been challenging enough. Then, someone mentioned that daylight saving time begins in a few days, and I realized that this winter may bring some really hard circumstances for those struggling with SAD. Not only will the difficulties of the cold weather settle in, but many people won’t be able to see their families or loved ones for the holidays. Being isolated without family and without sunlight can be a scary hurdle to face.
Looking Ahead
I don’t know how to tidy this up into one neat, clean package of an article. Truth be told, I am scared of what the winter months may bring in terms of my mental health, the virus, and the state of the world. I am fearful for those I know who also struggle with SAD, as well as immunodeficiency. As the cold settles in, it is difficult to think about these things without getting consumed by overwhelming worry. I have yet to grasp all there is to consider, but I am reminded of an untitled poem by Derek Walcott. It opens,
“The day, with all its pain ahead, is yours.”
And a little later,
“These are all yours, / and pain has made them brighter as absence does / after a death, as the light heals the grass.”
May we hope for healing in the coming months, as a sign that we have weathered and grown, despite the winter.
