Photo by Mike Petrucci on Unsplash
People who experience loneliness fit into at least two categories: One, those who have too many connections but not feeling connected to most of them; Two, those who have many connections but feel that there are not enough people to connect to in their lives. The feeling of loneliness is not correlated to the number of connections a person has in life. It relates to whether the person feels connected to most of their connections.
People can have social friends, work friends, online friends, in-person friends, a large family, a small family, and still feel lonely. Different people respond to loneliness differently. They may withdraw more and become more isolated, or they may try to fill the need for connection with other distractions. It’s mainly about feeling isolated. That isolation can turn to depression and further withdrawal. Or, a person can try to connect in a way that doesn’t actually fill the need but sabotages connection through other means.
The Cycle of Shopping
Shopping is an example of one of the other means to attempt and fill the hole that loneliness leaves. Shopping and loneliness seem to be a common connection in our modern lives. It’s so accessible to shop, through so many mediums. Lonely people often have a strong urge or impulse to buy possessions to fill a void. It may temporarily lift the mood to get something new or to have something new to do to fill up time and space, but it doesn’t provide anything lasting. Shopping doesn’t solve loneliness. We do know this, but we seek it out as a temporary comfort. It can truly contribute to a negative cycle of not resolving the core issue, but creating a bigger issue, attempting to use retail as a form of therapy and then overspending. The negative loop culminates in regret for having done it. It’s the loop of loneliness. Sadness makes us shop to lift our spirits, and shopping can make us sadder (especially when we get the bills).
The Disconnection of Loneliness
Shopping is but one way to attempt to resolve loneliness. Of course, there are other ways to escape that feeling. “Escape” is the operative word. Escaping something is a temporary release that eventually ends. You may escape into the world of binge-watching TV and/or movies. You may escape into a bottle of wine, or into delicious comfort food. These escapes can feel like temporarily entering into another reality, forgetting or not feeling the loneliness, and getting lost in a time-consuming distraction.
Loneliness is both a cause and effect of becoming disconnected. Loneliness and social isolation have a relationship with the feeling of symptoms of depression coming on. Feeling isolated makes us anxious which makes us less likely to work up the energy to make and maintain connections to make us feel less alone. So shopping turns to instant gratification. But, over time, we find that what usually comes from shopping doesn’t form a meaningful relationship or connection. Instead of escaping, let’s look at a few options for working towards solving the loneliness with steps that may be beneficial.
Finding Authentic Connection
When loneliness is the problem, looking for connection (authentic connection) is often the solution:
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- Get outside! A small dose of outside time can make us happier. This alone can give us a boost to reach out to others. Even better than being outside is being in a place where there are other people — while also being safe, of course.
- Reach out to family or friends via phone call or text or email. Send a card to someone to show them you are thinking of them.
- Hand make something and give it to someone else. Bake something delicious and share it with others.
- Volunteer or offer to help someone else. Even small gestures to give a hand to someone else give a boost of happiness and connection.
Small gestures can give us a dose of happiness that in turn, open us up to a small connection with someone else. This has a positive ripple effect that can make a difference. Loneliness is a difficult feeling to handle. If you find yourself in the shopping loop, you might be lonely. There may be an underlying feeling of something missing in your life. Impulsive buying might feel good at the moment, but it doesn’t connect us meaningfully with other people.
Loneliness is triggered by a deficit that is felt due to dissatisfaction with relationships in their lives. It’s about how you feel about the relationships you already have in your life. There is no set number. Some people are very happy with just one or two close friends. Others want to have a room full of friends. Pause to consider if it’s something you really need. When you feel connected, it provides happiness that just can’t be replicated by anything other than authentic relationships.
