Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash
Tired But Strong
I am tired—tired of fighting an invisible war that is not so invisible anymore, tired of being treated like an outcast because I am different.
The War Rages On
My once invisible war that is not so invisible anymore is anxiety. Lately my anxiety has been controlling me rather than I controlling it. My anxiety paralysis episodes have been very frequent and because of them, I have not been able to attend my in-person summer class for the past three weeks. No matter how hard I try to fight my anxiety, I find myself slipping more and more each day. If only the world would stop for me. If only mental health was not stigmatized and people would care to help like they do with physical illness.
My Anxiety Makes Me Feel Powerless
With my anxiety controlling me, I have been even more introverted than I normally am. I have not been able to make eye contact, and avoiding social conversations has been my main priority lately. Just the other day, I had to force myself to go grocery shopping—and I started shaking when waiting in line to buy my items. I felt so powerless and afraid and still feel this way.
Stay Strong Amid the War
I hate when I lose control because I always fear falling into the same dark place I was in before. Losing control is such a scary experience, especially when you have a past of being frequently hospitalized for your mental health struggles at places where you were only further invalidated. Sometimes all one can do is take it day by day, even if it just means surviving. It is okay to struggle, as long as you are still here. One day, you will finally live. Until then, stay strong even when the war rages on.
Community Series – Mental Health Book Club: What Happened to You? by Bruce Perry & Oprah Winfrey
