Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash
The Big QuestionÂ
Why did the mental health system fail me?
Failing Mental Health
For most of my life, I have been wondering what is wrong with me. After years of therapy, several hospitalizations and endless medications, I still do not feel better. The pain that I feel does not want to go away. I cannot understand why nothing is working. It is very frustrating and results in me feeling defeated and hopeless frequently. This endless state is also very tiring. I hate being this way.
The Mental Health System Failed Me
After discussing this stuck feeling with my counselor the other week, she told me something that I never thought I would hear. She stated that the mental health system has failed me. This is the reason why I am not getting better. It is not because of me. When she said this, I felt relief but also anger. After years of being in the mental health system and not seeing any progress, anger has been a common experience for me. It is a never-ending feeling that prevents me from living my best life, but the mental health system has failed me, so it has to be okay.
The Mental Health System Failed To Help Me
At all my hospital stays and with various former therapists, I have been invalidated over and over. When I was still a minor, I faced my fear and talked about my toxic living situation with counselors and hospital caseworkers for the first time. I was tired of living in an environment that was painful and exhausting. I wanted help, but the mental health system failed me.
The Mental Health System Invalidated Me
When DCFS got involved after I shared my story with a teacher I trusted at school, the social worker who dealt with my case also invalidated me. I was hospitalized due to active suicidal thoughts when she first talked with me, and after I told her about my living situation, she told me that it was just my depression talking. I told her what was happening to me, but I was the one who was in a behavioral health hospital, so I was not to be believed. The mental health system failed me.
The Mental Health System Did Not Hear MeÂ
All I ever wanted was to feel safe and validated. I needed someone to believe me, so I could be safe. If someone remains in a toxic environment, they will not get better, no matter how many years of therapy, medications and hospitalizations they endure. All I needed was for my voice to be validated, but no one heard me. I could not understand why I was not worth saving. I was left with the question, “Why did the mental health system fail me?”
Improve The Mental Health System Starting Today
I am still hoping for my happy ending. I want to get better so badly and to feel alive again. The anger lives on, but I hope to be free from it one day. My counselor is right: the mental health system has failed me, but this does not mean that it is going to fail everyone. Instead, it means that we need to improve the mental health system so everyone can have a chance at recovery. Validation is where mental health professionals need to start. They must hear and validate the voices that have been silenced for so long due to fear. It is not too late. The change needs to start today.
