I struggle with saying “no.” I can be having the worst day—you know the kind where your coffee spills, or there’s a pileup on the interstate, or your dog tears up your favorite pillow, or the key gets stuck in the latch too many times. And if someone wanted me to do something for them, I would still find enough in me to squeak out a yes. All in all, this is pretty much the perfect invitation to run yourself into the ground. Constantly taking on more responsibility and saying yes to things that do not help you maintain a feeling of level-headedness can be taxing and counterproductive. It can be hard, but sometimes the best thing you can do for yourself is to say “no.”
To say no more often was never something I saw as a continuation of my mental wellness. I mistook it as the perception that others would have of me if I refused to perform for them. It’s taken me a while, but I’ve come to understand that saying no is not an explanation or a refusal of another person. It is simply an assessment of my time and prioritization, and what I am willing to invest my time and energy into.
Thinking About Why Saying No Is Hard
Perhaps you struggle to say no more often because you feel guilty about how the other person will feel or because you feel bad about their situation. These are noble intentions, and it’s fine to lend a helping hand to someone who has a lot going on. But the equation doesn’t work if you are similarly swamped and can’t seem to make space for anything you need to get done.
This may be difficult but unless you have a good handle on the things going on in your own life, it might be best to say no. It doesn’t mean you are selfish or uncompassionate. You are just figuring out your own moves before learning someone else’s dance. Also, when we fill our lives with the responsibilities of others, it can quickly lead to resentment of others or sometimes even the task itself.
I remember one year my mom purchased a ton of corn that was on sale and she needed help shucking it. I needed to study for a math test but didn’t say no—and I helped her shuck all that corn and struggled on that algebra exam. To this day, I shudder at the thought of shucking corn. Don’t ruin something you may want to enjoy later on! Say no if the timing and the situation isn’t right for you.
The Benefits of Saying ‘No’
Thinking of the ways not saying no can negatively affect us makes you wonder: What are the benefits to saying no? One obvious answer is the time it can free up. Maybe it’s the extra 10 minutes you needed in the morning for journaling. Or maybe saying no to something else gave you the time to finally get on that skincare routine. Whatever it is, every time you say no with purpose, you are saying yes to yourself and proving to yourself that you believe you are worth it. Doing the things you love for yourself is recharging and life-giving. It can encourage and uplift you while helping you to do the same for others around you.
Take stock of the things you are committed to. Are they draining you in a way that doesn’t make sense? Could you say no to something and save the time to invest into yourself? Or to give yourself a well-deserved break? It can be a hard thing to do, but prioritizing yourself and your mental health will never set you back. Perhaps it’s time to start saying yes to yourself and the things that matter to you. I’m right there with you.
