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Some people require a certain representation of facts and experiences that fit the cookie-cutter narrative they have created about what mental health should look like and feel like. They look at you, and they don’t see what you feel—they only feel what they want to see. It is almost like they look through you in order to see themselves yet again.
Maybe your parents will tell you you’re too young to feel the way you feel. Perhaps your older brother will tell you that Black men don’t go to therapy so you shouldn’t either. Or a stranger will say that calling you by the incorrect pronoun shouldn’t cause you so much distress. These kinds of thoughts are what create so much anxiety, stress, and misplaced comparison within ourselves and the outside world.
These dismissals are nothing new. They are a part of a narrative so closely intertwined with the stigmas that surround mental health within our society. It is one that sometimes blindly confines mental health’s importance and existence to isolated identities and factors. Yet, in between the lines, mental health reads as an intersectional discussion. It encompasses age, race, gender, economic class, indigeneity, religion/spirituality, (dis)ability, and additional factors that correlate with one another. All of these factors and more shape your mental health journey.
Your journey is valid.
If someone dismisses your mental health and its validity because of how you look or how you choose to identify within these categories, they are missing the points that connect to create the entire picture. Your unique experiences and how you choose to self-identify go head-to-head with the oppressing factors that originate from society. In those trying moments of dismissal and oppression, showing yourself compassion and grace is key to succeeding and solidifying your mental health journey.
Many times, we must remind ourselves of the strength we have within to combat the apathy, ignorance, indifference, and sheer disregard we experience from society or even our own friends, family members, and coworkers. Here are a few ways for you to show yourself compassion when others fail to empathize with you and your journey.
Separate yourself from someone’s else apathy.
At the end of the day, we cannot control someone else’s feelings, thoughts, actions, reactions, or responses. All we can do is acknowledge them and respond accordingly or separate ourselves from that apathy. If someone wants to gift you apathy or negativity, you do not have to accept that gift. And in turn, they are left with the gift themselves. They can choose to hold onto it, open it, toss it, or rewrap it and re-gift it. But no matter what they choose, it is not in your possession and it is no longer associated with your will or your way.
Think of how far you have come.
Remind yourself of how many times you couldn’t get out of bed in the morning until you felt your feet finally planted on the ground again. Think about the times you could have reacted destructively and instead you responded in reflection. Think about the steps you have taken and the many roads you have traveled until you started to forge a path of your own. Do not forget how much you’ve mustered within yourself to complete that single task you’ve been avoiding or just couldn’t find the motivation to fulfill.
No matter how big or small it may seem to someone on the outside, you know exactly how much weight it adds to your day and how much weight it lifts when you take the leap. You have come this far, and you will go further. Each step matters, and each pause shouldn’t diminish those steps. The stillness in between makes the next leap just as pivotal and powerful.
Think about where your power lies.
It may not seem this way at times, but ultimately your power lies within yourself. And even if you give it away, you can always take it back without explanation. You do not require an explanation to rebuild your center, only the will to do so. If you give other people’s words, thoughts and actions power over your being, they now have entered your mental and emotional sphere. Now they are operating at the same level as your own mind and have become key designers of your own experience.
Sometimes this seems to happen in a way that we cannot control or fully understand. When this happens, just take the moment to remind yourself that people’s words only matter if you give value to their words. Just like words in the English language exist only because we give meaning and power to them. The same goes for external interactions with people. They will never truly know what it feels like to have the power you have to operate within your own self; they only thrive on borrowed power.
Show yourself compassion.
Be kind to yourself. Be gentle with yourself. Show yourself grace. Within the passing crowds, the drowning sounds, the people who try to push you into a corner or challenge your worth, there is a place you return to that is within yourself. And in that place, practice compassion. Practice forgiveness. Practice making a safe place that you can return to; a home within a home. Like a nesting Matryoshka doll, the very center of it is the place you will always return to in the midst of all the cascading layers that surround you.
Final Thoughts
No matter your background, I want to remind you that your identity is acknowledged in this space. I want to remind you that your experience is valid. All the factors that brought you here are valid. Your mental health concerns are valid. The experiences you have had, the ones you’ve shared, and the ones you have yet to share or never will share are valid. Your take on this is unique to your own experience and being. Both your life and journey are precious and seen.
Do not let anyone diminish your experiences, dismiss your feelings, and challenge the value that you hold as a human being; whether you identify as a Black woman, a disabled veteran, a trans BIPOC, LGBTQIA+ Latinx or any combination of identities that represent you as a person with unique intricacies.
Your complexities matter. You contribute to the evolution of a universal narrative of mental health by simply choosing to acknowledge the validity of your own mental health journey. So keep believing in yourself even if no one else does, because you are more than enough and always will be.
Resources:
Turan, J. M., Elafros, M. A., Logie, C. H., Banik, S., Turan, B., Crockett, K. B., Pescosolido, B., & Murray, S. M. (2019). Challenges and opportunities in examining and addressing intersectional stigma and health. BMC medicine, 17(1), 7. https://doi.org/10.1186/s12916-018-1246-9
